As written by Aburime...
Each of us, in our search for meaning in life, has a vast amount of experience to draw upon. Our struggles and hardship, along with our achievements and blessings, teach us life’s lessons. Our experience, our strength and the hope that endures are part of our unique story — and part of the reason why i should tell our life story so far.
I grew up not knowing who my parents were until I was about 9 years old. My eldest sister was very sick and she later gave up the ghost a day after due to overdose of a certain medication administered by one of the four wives of my grandfather. I cannot recollect how she looks because I only met her once or so I think before the report of her sudden death. My maternal grandmother, whom I was staying with since I was barely 1 year old had just returned from her shop and she informed me that there was a message from my parents that my sister, Philomena just passed on after she was given several painkiller tablet by one of my grandfather’s wives. She had complained of severe headache earlier that day and when the initial dose of the medication did not relief her, several of the same tablets were administered almost immediately without any doctor’s prescription and hours later she started vomiting and eventually died. She was later diagnosed to have suffered from drug poisoning. The said drugs that she took were all expired! My dad was in a different city working as a teacher. My mom was a petty trader selling corn in my dad’s hometown. My two elder sisters were in my dad’s hometown with my mom and our paternal grandparents and I was in a different village with my mom’s mother. At nine years, I could remember I almost cried my eyes out. It was a trauma I will never forget. What followed next in my life journey are series of unforgettable experiences that may take several pages to document! I will leave other childhood details till a more auspicious time.
Life started taking shape. My family and I relocated to Benin City, Edo state. My mom, now almost a shadow of her former self continued her petty trade in the new city. I was 10 years old then. I joined her in her trade and helped her hawk items like plantain, mango and corn around various streets to get buyers. The family needs to survive and I must hawk items around to raise daily feeding money. I did this routine before I go to school in the morning and when I close from school in the afternoon. This continued for seven years until I was 17years old. At that age she insisted I must stop hawking items around with a tray on my head and concentrate on my forthcoming university entrance examinations. This decision was a turning point in my life!
I did excellently in the exams and gained admission to study accountancy in a federal university, University of Benin. I quickly located the campus fellowship of the church of Christ. I had been baptized since I was 14 years old through the help of one brother Emma who enrolled me with world bible school. The teacher that was sending me correspondence then was Shela Kitchens. I have since lost contact with her but she was very instrumental to my believing the gospel message of our Lord Jesus Christ and His one true church. As a teenager, I was very inquisitive and very active in any group I belong. At 13 years, I was already a bandleader in a Pentecostal church. And I thought I could speak in tongues, heal the sick and even raise the dead. I was considered by many church members as a prayer warrior and respected by my seniors. An event occurred that challenged my spiritual credentials. A neighbor had just lost their 2 years old daughter. The family saw me as a miracle worker. I demanded to see the dead. I was ushered into the bedroom were the little girl lay lifeless. I asked to be left alone and boasted that the girl shall rise to live after my prayers. I went in with a friend, Innocent, formerly a member of Jehovah witness but who now believe that we were kids with some divine powers to do miracles. We prayed fervently for an hour speaking in tongues or so we think; yet the little girl never rose. We were disappointed but excused ourselves that God wants her to come home-heaven! It was about a year after this incident that I met bro Emma who introduced me to the church of Christ. At 14 years, I was baptized but my friend Innocent up to the time I lost his contact was never a member of the Lord’s church. I remember asking a lot of questions concerning miracles, giving, tithing, the Lord’s Supper, instrumental music and other doctrines of Christ before submitting to water baptism. Today, of a family of nine children, 7 are baptized. I have also been nominated for ordination as a deacon in November 2010.
So back to my university, I was very committed to the church’s fellowship and very active in evangelical work. We normally do house-to house evangelism once in a month. It was in the course of one of our evangelical work that I came across a family and a series of events occurred that became a prelude to my meeting my present wife in a manner I never contemplated. The head of the family, Ose’s dad was very receptive to the gospel message. He was already a friend to one of our Christian brother, honesty odia but when he met me, he thought I was intelligent and started attending my local congregation. He was very regular until the church started teaching a series on marriage and polygamy. He became very uncomfortable and stopped coming for fellowship. He was a polygamist! He however requested that I continue to visit him for bible studies and I obliged. He also encouraged his children to attend fellowship and he also attends a few times and uses till date, the church hymnbook but Ose never liked the church and she never attended.
Meanwhile, to support my parents in paying for my university tuition, I took up a few evening teaching jobs. It was common then, for parents to seek teachers who will come to their houses to coach their kids after school and / or weekends. When Ose’s dad knew I could teach, he requested I come 4 times in a week to his house to lecture three of his daughter. Ose was the eldest among them and she was 16years old. That was the year, 1997. She thought I was a good teacher and told the father she will like to study accountancy but her fears were that she was very poor in mathematics-a key subject you must pass before studying accounting. That was the main subject the dad wanted me to lecture her on. My monthly salary was about $30 dollars. That was hardly enough for my transportation to and fro so I had to trek a long distance to her house and save the money towards my term tuition of about $130 dollars. I was teaching children of another close family and all the money were saved for my tuition. In 1999, I stopped working owing to the demand of my final exams. In spite of the challenges I faced going to school, i was the best graduating student in my department with a GPA of 4.78 out of 5. I made first class! My parents were very happy. My academic success was celebrated and many relatives thought I would be the turning point in my family’s fortune. It was now 18months since I saw Ose. I conjectured that she may have finished her high school exams and gained admission into a university. And so it was. She sent several messages through her dad requesting that I visit her home to teach her some aspect of accountancy but I could not visit because I was doing a part-time job to assist my family and also preparing to commence my country’s national youth service-a mandatory one-year service of the country after graduation. Another one year passed without seeing Ose and I never contemplated that fate will unite us one day in matrimony. The year 2002 was when it effectively started. She was now in 200level studying accountancy in a private university! Our relationship blossomed. I gave her all my accountancy textbooks that I used in school including a calculator that she uses till date. We were in different states. She graduated as the best student from her department and won almost all available academic awards. I felt on top of the world. In 2004, before her final exams, she had informed her parents that she would be bringing home the man she wants to marry after her graduation. Who could that be? The parents wondered. They have never seen her with a guy that close for a marriage. Little did they know that her former teacher/mentor was the man! Her dad was surprised to see me again. Where have you been? He queried. “My daughter told me you graduated with a first class bachelors degree… I am so proud of you, I am sure she took after your footsteps because she also came tops in her class” I guess both of you have been communicating because she told me a lot about you and your successes. She has chosen love above wealth. I cannot refuse your marrying my daughter…both of you has my blessings. She got baptized in our local congregation in Abuja in February 2005. The long awaited wedding eventually took place in September 2005. To marry an eldest daughter from her place, the suitor must bring 50 tubers of yam, four 25litres of palm oil, a cow, beads and a bronze plate for the traditional rites. Where any of these items cannot be purchased owing to cost, it must be rented. No waivers! This is done so that the younger sisters will take the issue of marriage seriously. Their proposed husbands must be very responsible and ready for family commitments. The acceptable dowry was the sum of $2 dollars only.
On the tenth month of our marriage, precisely July 1 2006, Chavela was born. Chavela means “God’s promise”. It was amazing. She looked so much like my mom. A new phase in our life has just begun. We were now parents. Ose was now a mom. I started missing her full attention but I loved my daughter very much and pampered her. She was God’s promised to the family because we enjoyed a lot of goodwill after her birth. I was elevated to a new position in my office on July 1, 2006 and exactly a year after on July 1, 2007 I was promoted again even when I wasn’t due for another elevation. We were all very happy. We could now send monthly stipend of about $100 dollars to our parents to support their upkeep. How life changes so fast. There is indeed a time for everything under the sun, Eccl. 3:1. In 2009, we started planning for a second child. My wife had three successive miscarriages, two of which were very traumatic. They were almost four months old yet they didn’t survive and needed to be evacuated. We waited on the Lord severally and prayed. My wife became pregnant again and we became anxious. This one must stay. We prayed. Never did we expect that we would be parents of five children. We needed just one more to make chavela happy and two children will be okay for our young family. A set of quadruplets was not in our dictionary. God had a different agenda. Hospital visit initially revealed there were twins and we said “well, to God be the glory…God knows best, we have to accept it as his blessings”. Subsequent visit revealed triplets and then a set of quadruplets! What! My wife almost fainted. We thought of our lean finances, the challenges of multiple births, caring for five kids, the psychological trauma and so on. I was perplexed and contemplated an abortion. We restrained for fear of God and prayed that he has mercy on us and give us the wherewithal to handle the impending challenges. It soon became obvious that my wife will need better medical facilities and care to survive the pregnancy. The pregnancy was now 20 weeks. She experienced two threatened abortion and was admitted in hospital for days. She fainted and started having breath seizures and gastritis. One of the babies was breeched. Maybe Bibiana. My wife must seek better care else she risks the death of our unborn kids and her life. We thought of flying her to UK, Indian, US, South Africa and Dubai. Events occurred and she was issued a US medical visa by the US embassy. She has never flown out of Nigeria. She was now 24 weeks pregnant! And she must travel alone in that condition. It was an emergency. I could not travel with her. The global recession has taken its toll on my office and I could lose my job if I travel without proper permission from my superiors. We sold her car and a piece of land to raise funds and friends and family members made additional contributions. So I bid her farewell and promised to join her before the delivery. She left alone in a cold night by 10.30pm. Afterall, we have friends and close relatives in some states in US. Her college mate, Elly was in Atlanta. If they help, she would survive. Each week that added to the pregnancy was celebrated. Babies that are born premature have so many complications. We prayed towards 32weeks. That would be August 2,2010. On July 28, 2010, she experienced contractions and the babies must be delivered. 32 weeks was only 4 days away! In tears, she accepted to be delivered and ALYSSA, VALENCIA, NOAH AND BIBIANA came forth in that order. What a deliverance! What a bundle of blessing! God has smiled on us. We are so blessed. My wife was relieved. All kids were fine. The least weight was 2.15pounds. Bibiana. There was so much joy and celebration in my hometown in Nigeria.
Yet there was mixed feelings coupled with some fears especially being in an “unknown country”, USA. To Nigerians, US has different faces. To majority, it is the last country that will ever issue a visa to a pregnant woman. Yet among the countries we considered, it was the first to issue a visa. How it happened, I can’t fully explain. Perhaps the best person to testify how we procured a US visa for my wife is one of the church’s bishop--Elder P.S Egure. He became involved when my wife was on admission in hospital bed following an episode of breath seizure. I called on elder Egure and three other Elders to pray for my wife. They waited on the Lord and fasted on her behalf. Seeing her condition, he concurred with us that there is need for her to travel abroad. Time was running out. My wife and I had earlier written several letters to US consular office seeking visa appointment to no avail. Egure was an influential person and has friends in government. A high profile government functionary and a federal legislator soon became involved. The said government official requested we see him 4pm the next day for a NOTE VERBALE. We waited prayerfully for daybreak. By 11am the said day, we received an invitation for visa interview. WAOH! There was no need for a note verbale nor any 4pm appointment. God has intervened directly. But this was just an interview not the visa. Will the visa be granted? I pondered. Maybe we still need the legislator’s intervention, I surmised. But elder Egure disagreed. He referred me to some bible scriptures and counseled that we rather wait on the Lord so that we don’t ascribe the glory to man. He feared what happened to Moses, our patriarch when he could not enter the Promised Land. The interview date came, and in less than twenty five minutes, my wife has procured a US visa! To God alone, be the glory! My wife arrived in US and after staying 10 days in Albany, Georgia; she had to come to Atlanta on doctor’s referral. Elly and Patrick took her in and welcomed her. They were very loving. This was the consummation of the “visa miracle” and the rest is now history.
But then raising four kids even for a month in the US is daunting as well as overwhelming. How are we going to cope? The kids may not return to Nigeria until sometime in October. Elly is pregnant and she could do very little to help. Oh God help us! Our great joy was faced with a punctuating perplexity. While we cogitated on how to cope, we were suddenly surrounded by a host of human angels. The Northlake church of Christ community of Christians! Earlier, on the day my wife was to deliver, three sisters from the church visited my wife for the first time to inquire her wellbeing and how they may assist her. Carol, Julie and Susan. Where they the three “wise women”? I know the bible only talked about the three wise men. Their visit was ominous. Three little girls were to be born along with a guy that same day. Three women, three girls! Were these sisters expecting my wife to deliver that same day? Were they led by the star in Mathew 2:9? They were soon joined by a host of other sisters-Cathy, Denise, Beths, and many too numerous to mention. It was a congregation of brotherhood. Since they met with my wife, our fears and mixed feelings turned into songs of praise. What an amazing Grace! A series of events had occurred thereafter much to our upliftment. The church hymnal “Anywhere is home” by J.M Henson and Homer F. Morris is true. Anywhere is indeed home if Christ, our Lord is there. USA, the “unknown country” is HOME!
A new chapter in our life story has just begun.
